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Before they went mainstream, personals were a way for same-sex couples to discreetly connect.
Has the Internet really revolutionized dating? Or is hijacking tech for love and sex just what humans do?
* * * * *
Well, right now, Hinge is the best dating site. It seems to fit my personality, or the personalities I find online. I like that the sign-up process takes 10 minutes, and that I can keep an eye on what the profiles of people are. If I was more like Digg, and wanted to check out all the profiles I could find, I wouldn’t be so overwhelmed.
Hardly a week goes by without another new think piece about online dating either revolutionizing society or completely ruining our ability to have real relationships. But these hyperbolic pronouncements miss a deeper fact:
At its core, 'online dating' isn't something we just started doing 5, 10 or even 20 years ago. Before the Internet, there were personal ads, and before that, lonely shepherds carved detailed works of art into tree bark to communicate their longing for human contact.
Since the earliest days of mass media and technology, people have been finding ways to broadcast their desires and find connections that might have otherwise eluded them. I mean, one could argue that even Voyager 1's Golden Record is kind of a massive, interstellar personal ad (complete with the recorded sound of a kiss!) out to the universe. It's as if humanity decided to document all our best features and send them into space with this message:
Lonely humans seek extraterrestrial lifeforms in Milky Way or nearby. Open to all body types.
The modern newspaper was invented in 1690, and the first personals followed soon after. So dating apps are really the latest manifestation of human beings doing what we've always done -- create new tools to communicate and then turn around and use those tools to find love, sex and companionship.
1695: The First Personal Ads
According to history professor H.G. Cocks (seriously --The Best Name Ever for an academic) personal ads began as a way to help British bachelors find eligible wives. One of the earliest personals ever placed was by a 30-year-old man, with 'a very good estate', announcing he was in search of 'some good young gentlewoman that has a fortune of £3,000 or thereabouts.' (£3,000 is equivalent to roughly £300,000 today. #ShamelesslySeekingSugarMomma...)
1700s: Personal Ads for Homosexual Safety
Personal ads were one of the only ways for the gay and lesbian communities to meet discreetly and safely at this time. Less-Than-Fun fact: homosexuality was outlawed and punishable by death in the UK by wife-murderer Henry VIII and continued to be illegal until 1967. During this time, gathering sites for gay men known as Molly Houses were subject to regular raids by law enforcement. (Meanwhile in the future U.S.A., anyone accused of being a 'sodomite' doing 'buggery' was also legally sentenced to death as of 1776.) Coded words, female names and other signals in personals were channels to privately expressing vulnerability and find companionship that society forbade.
1727: Women Get Smacked Down for Expressing Personal Desire
In 1727, Englishwoman Helen Morrison became the first woman to place an ad in a Lonely Hearts column. She convinced the editor of the Manchester Weekly Journal to place a small ad stating she was 'seeking someone nice to spend her life with.' (It's radical, I know.....)
A man responded to Helen, but it was not the man she was hoping for. It was the mayor, who had her committed to an insane asylum for four weeks.
Women asking for what they want -- clearly delusional to 18th century dudes.
1800s: Aristocrats Catch On
Always on the lookout for ways to exploit media for their own ends, aristocrats in the 1800s used personal ads to broadcast their interest in romantic engagements that seem scandalous by today's standards. An 1841 ad in the Journal of Munich tells of a 70-year-old Baron seeking a woman 'between 16 and 20 having good teeth and little feet.'
(Well... maybe not that much has changed for the one percent? )
Mid 1800s: The General Public Follows
In the mid-19th century, the need to advertise for a husband or wife was still considered a 'failure' and associated with deviant behavior for many judgmental straight, white, middle-to-upper class people. But as magazines and periodicals such as The Wedding Bell in the US and The Correspondent, Matrimonial Herald and Marriage Gazette in the UK hit the newsstands with immense popularity, matchmaking and personals took off as well, creating the first wave of true mainstream normalization for the personal ad.
Late 1800s: The Scam Emerges
You know, someone's always got to ruin the party. The popularity of personals paved the way for grifters who soon realized that they could prey on the vulnerability of people seeking love. Scam artists caused a scandal that many newspapers ran with, and personals disappeared practically overnight as public attitudes became more cautious. Phishing, fake profiles, and ads for escorts continue this tradition today.
Early 1900s: The Lonely Rural Farmers, Ranchers and Shepherds
Around the turn of the last century, personal ads enjoyed a renaissance of popularity, especially in the Western US with low populations and the harsh realities of rural life without a partner. (Farmers Only continues the legacy to find 'where all the country girls are' today.)
Some very pragmatic examples of early 20th century personals:
What Was The First Dating Service In The Usa Made
HOUSEKEEPER: 18 to 30 years of age, wanted by widower, 40. Have prominent position with the rail company, have 75-acre ranch also house in town; object matrimony if suited; have boy 13 years old, would not object to housekeeper having child. Can give best references.
Young woman, reared in luxury, having lost everything and earned her living for the past eight years, is tired of teaching and wishes a home: would like to meet a well-to-do businessman who would appreciate refinement and affection in a wife. Object: matrimony.
If only these two had found each other's personals then.....
1920s: Lonely WWI Soldiers Seek Pen Pals
Personal ads went mainstream again in the early 20th century, when social pressures to get married by 21 (and thus, expectations for relationships) were much lower, thankfully than their earlier incarnations. Many of the postings were simply calls for friends or pen pals. These kinds of ads were especially fashionable among lonely soldiers during World War I.
1960s: Counterculture and Computer Love
Removed from the context of wartime, old stigmas crept back in. Like the Internet today, lonely hearts ads were suspected of harboring all sort of scams and perversities. Because they were often used by homosexuals and sex workers, British police continued to prosecute those who placed personals until the late 1960s, when ads became part of the burgeoning youth counterculture.
Meanwhile, a new technology was emerging. In 1965, a team of Harvard undergrads created Operation Match, the world's first computer dating service. For $3, users could answer questionnaires and receive a list of potential matches, a process that is still used by many dating sites.
1990s-2000s: Second Wave of Mainstream
The explosion of the Internet in the mid-to-late 1990s created a new context for personals, and by the end of the decade, they had become relatively acceptable. Even before the Web itself, bulletin boards and newsgroups hosted a variety of ways people could use technology to meet others with similar interests, including dating. Services such as America Online, Prodigy and eventually Craigslist offered chat rooms, forums and online classifieds of use to singles. By the time Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan AOL'd each other in You've Got Mail, it had become clear that the Internet was going to change every aspect of our lives forever -- including love and romance. Match.com was founded in 1995, and by 2007, online dating had become the second highest online industry for paid content. (....Can you guess what's #1?)
2010 - Today
By 2010, different dating sites existed for virtually every city, sexual orientation, religion, race and almost every hobby, making it easier to find exactly what we're looking for and harder to stumble on someone who exists outside our pre-defined bubbles of identity.
In 2002, Wired Magazine predicted, 'Twenty years from now, the idea that someone looking for love won't look for it online will be silly, akin to skipping the card catalog to instead wander the stacks because 'the right books are found only by accident.'
Online dating is the new norm for introductions, replacing the role of traditional personals and in many cases, merging with the functions of social media. If we are going to improve the way people meet one another, we're going to have to do so by questioning the existing paradigms of online dating and figuring out how to do it better.
One thing is certain: the tenacity with which human beings will seek each other out with any tool available is inspiring. Ultimately, we use the technology of online dating because we crave connection and that desire alone timeless and connects us always.
This timeline of online dating services also includes broader events related to technology-assisted dating (not just online dating). Where there are similar services, only major ones or 'the first of its kind' are listed.
What Was The First Dating Service In The Usa
| Year (month and date) | Event | Venue |
|---|---|---|
| 1959 | Happy Families Planning Services launches. Started by Jim Harvey and Phil Fialer as a class project at Stanford. Used a questionnaire and an IBM 650 to match 49 men and 49 women. | |
| 1963 | Ed Lewis at Iowa State University uses a questionnaire and an IBM computer 'to optimize the meeting potential at dances'.[1] | |
| 1964 | St. James Computer Dating Service (later to become Com-Pat) launches. Joan Ball started the first commercially run computer generated matchmaking company. The first set of matchups was run in 1964.[2] | |
| 1965 | Operation Match (part of Compatibility Research Inc.) launches. Started by Jeff Tarr and Vaughan Morrill at Harvard. Used a questionnaire and an IBM 1401 to match students. There was a $3 fee for submitting a questionnaire. 'By the fall of sixty-five, six months after the launch, some ninety thousand Operation Match questionnaires had been received, amounting to $270,000 in gross profits, about $1.8 million in [2014]'s dollars.'[1] In the 1960s there still was no stigma about computer-assisted matching. | |
| 1965 | Eros (Contact Inc.) launches. Started by David Dewan at MIT. Used a dating questionnaire and Honeywell 200. 'In one distribution of questionnaires, he drew eleven thousand responses at $4 each, or $44,000 in gross profits, about $250,000 in [2014]'s dollars.'[1] | |
| 1965 | The New York Review of Books personals column makes a comeback. Slater writes:
| Magazine |
| 1968 | Data-Mate launches. Questionnaire-based matching service started at MIT.[3] | |
| 1970s, early | Phase II is founded. A 'computer-dating company' started by James Schur.[1] | |
| 1974 | Cherry Blossoms' mail-order bride catalog launches. Slater calls Cherry Blossoms 'one of the oldest mail-order bride agencies'. Started by John Broussard. | |
| 1976 | Great Expectations is founded. Video dating service started by Jeffrey Ullman.[4][5] The service achieved some notability, but it never overcame stigma. There were also apparently other video dating services like Teledate and Introvision, but it's nearly impossible to find anything about them online. | |
| 1980s | messageries roses (pink chat rooms) launches chat rooms for dating (using the Minitel network) started by Marc Simoncini. France. | |
| 1986[6] | Matchmaker Electronic Pen-Pal Network launches. A bulletin board system for romance started by Jon Boede and Scott Smith. Matchmaker grew to 14 local BBSs throughout the US. Eventually people lost interest as BBSs lost out to the World Wide Web, and Matchmaker was superseded by Matchmaker.com. | |
| 1987 | TelePersonals is created as a separate telephone dating system in Toronto, Canada from an earlier 'Personals' dating section of a telephone classified business. As part of an advertising program a selection of ads appear on the back pages of Now Magazine, the Canadian equivalent of the Village Voice. Services in different cities around the Toronto area are launched. A gay option is quickly added. The gay section becomes its own branded service. At the very beginning of the 2000s TelePersonals launches online and is rebranded as Lava Life with sections for cities across the United States and Canada. | Telephone, later Web |
| 1989 | Scanna International launches. Mail-order bride service focusing on Russia and Eastern Europe. | |
| 1994 | Kiss.com launches. The first modern dating website. | |
| 1995 | Yid.com launched as the first Jewish dating service and the first dating site in South Africa | Web |
| 1995 | Match.com launches. Started by Gary Kremen. | |
| 1997 | JDate launches dating service targeted at Jewish singles | |
| 1997 | Shaadi.com launches. It is an online wedding service founded by Anupam Mittal in 1997. October 1998, Sanjeev Bikhchandani, founder and executive vice chairman of Info Edge India, started the matrimonial website | |
| 1998 | Jeevansathi.com launches. October 1998, Sanjeev Bikhchandani, founder and executive vice chairman of Info Edge India, started the matrimonial website. | |
| 1999 | Gaydar launches. Founded in November 1999 by London-based South Africans Gary Frisch and his partner Henry Badenhorst, the website was once the world's most popular gay online dating site it grew into a portfolio of websites and an award-winning radio station. | Web later App |
| 2000 | eHarmony launches. Online dating service for long-term relationships. | |
| 2000 | BharatMatrimony launches. Murugavel Janakiraman started the BharatMatrimony website in 2000[7] while working as a software consultant for Lucent Technologies in Edison, N.J. In the late 1990s he set up a Tamil community web portal, which included matrimonial ads. He started BharatMatrimony after noticing the matrimonial ads generated most of his web traffic | |
| 2001 | Christian Mingle launches dating service for Christian singles | |
| 2002 | Friendster is launched. A friendship, dating and early general Social networking website all rolled into one. In 2005 Facebook copies and expands the idea into a general social interconnected website. | Web |
| 2002 | PlanetRomeo is launched as GayRomeo in October 2002 initially only available in German but now available in 6 languages. The majority of the sites users are based in Europe. | Web later App |
| 2002 | Dudesnude is launched as a networking site for gay men. The company slogan is 'picture, video, and profile sharing for men!' | Web |
| 2002 | Ashley Madison is launched as a networking service for extramarital relationships. | |
| 2002 | PrimeSingles.net launches as a dating service for singles over 50. This name changes to Single Seniors Meet in 2009 and to SilverSingles in 2011 | |
| 2003 | Proxidating launches. Dating service that used Bluetooth to 'alert users when a person with a matching profile was within fifty feet'.[1] | |
| 2003 | PlentyOfFish launches. | Web |
| 2004 | OkCupid launches. | Web |
| 2006 | Spark Networks, owner of niche dating sites like Jdate and Christian Mingle, goes public.[7] | |
| 2006 | Badoo launches as a dating-focused social networking service | |
| 2006 | SeekingArrangement launches. A sugar daddy/sugar baby site in the US. | |
| 2007 | Skout launches. A 'location-based social networking and dating application and website'. | |
| 2007 | Crazy Blind Date launches. Blind dating service started by Sam Yagan. | |
| 2007 | Zoosk launches. A global online-dating service started by Shayan Zadeh and Alex Mehr. | |
| 2008 | GenePartner launches matching service based on 'DNA compatibility'.[8] | |
| 2009 | Grindr launches, focussing on gay, bi and trans people. | App |
| 2010 | Scruff launches, focussing on gay, bisexual, and transgender men, adding in 2013 a HIV-positive community. | App |
| 2011 | LikeBright launches. Online dating site by Nick Soman.[9] By 2014 the site shut down.[10] | Web |
| 2011 | Dating group Spark Networks acquires Senior Singles Meet (formerly PrimeSingles) and changes the name to SilverSingles | |
| 2011 (July) | Momo, a Chinese social search and instant messaging app launches. | |
| 2011 (September) | Blendr, designed to connect like-minded people, launches. | |
| 2012(?) | Highlight launches. Slater calls it a 'location-based dating app'. | App |
| 2012 | Tinder launches. | App |
| 2012 | Hinge launches, an app 'designed to be deleted' | App |
| 2014 (Passover) | JSwipe launches. A dating app for Jewish millennials. | App |
| 2014 | Bristlr launches, facilitating communication between bearded men and women who love beards. | |
| 2014 (July) | 3nder starts facilitating communication between people interested in polyamory, kink, swinging, and other alternative sexual preferences. | |
| 2014 (September) | Spoonr starts facilitating communication between strangers who live within walking distance from each other. | |
| 2014 (December) | Bumble launches, a location-based mobile app that permits only women to start a chat with their matches.[11] | |
| 2015 | Personal information of Ashley Madison users stolen and released. | |
| 2015 | Huggle starts connecting users based on commonality of places they frequent. | |
| 2015 | Yellow, a Tinder for teens, launches in France and in 2017 in the US. | |
| 2015 | Jdate owners Spark Networks Inc buy JSwipe from Smooch Labs.[12] | |
| 2015 (November 19) | Match Group, which owns and operates several online dating web sites including OkCupid, Tinder, PlentyOfFish, and Match.com, goes public. | |
| 2017 | Affinitas GmbH (owner of dating websites like EliteSingles and eDarling) merges with Spark Networks, Inc, (owner of dating websites like Christian Mingle, Jdate, and SilverSingles) to create Spark Networks SE | |
| 2019 | Spark Networks SE acquires Zoosk, forming North America's second-largest dating company in revenues.[13] | |
| 2020 | Spark dating app launches in Canada with a focus on creative matchmaking[14] | App |
| 2021 | Beyond Dating app launches in India focusing on Interest matching, Profile Shorting Mode, and a unique Barrier. The Barrier is a personal matching test to get matched with the desired person. | App |
Dominance of online dating[edit]
A 2017 survey tracked the change in how Americans meet their spouses and romantic partners since 1940. The results showed a steep increase in the proportion of couples whose first interaction occurred through online media.[15][16]
See also[edit]
References[edit]
- ^ abcdefSlater, Dan. A Million First Dates.
- ^Hicks, Marie (2016). 'Computer Love: Replicating Social Order Through Early Computer Dating Systems'. Ada: A Jornal of Gender, New Media and Technology. ISSN2325-0496.
- ^Lawrence Krakauer writes about his experiences here.
- ^Ullman, Jeff. 'Jeff Ullman'. LinkedIn. Retrieved December 4, 2016.
Great Expectations (video dating) December 1975 – January 1997 (21 years 2 months) Created, served as CEO, and primary international media spokesperson for 'Great Expectations', which we built into the world's largest introduction service for singles (aka, 'video dating').
- ^Wallace, Amy (January 16, 1994). 'Love God From Hell : The Man Who Brought You Videodating Hates to Date, Loves to Taunt and Has Himself Been Unlucky in Love. Would You Buy a Relationship From Jeffrey Ullman?'. Los Angeles Times. Retrieved December 4, 2016. Dan Slater references this article.
- ^Slater, Dan.
- ^Gelsi, Steve. 'Spark Networks files $75 million IPO'. MarketWatch. Retrieved 2019-11-20.
- ^Arrington, Michael (July 22, 2008). 'Ok, We Have Our First DNA-Based Dating Service: GenePartner'. TechCrunch. Retrieved December 4, 2016.
- ^Soper, Taylor (December 20, 2013). 'Matchmaking platform LikeBright raising $1M to help singles land a 2nd date'. GeekWire. Retrieved December 4, 2016.
- ^Soper, Taylor (September 18, 2014). 'Matchmaking platform LikeBright morphs into Reveal, a new anonymous chat app'. GeekWire. Retrieved December 4, 2016.
- ^'Bumble is a dating app where women take lead'. Thestar. Retrieved 3 June 2015.
- ^'JDate Bought JSwipe and Everyone Loves Each Other Now'. Observer. 2015-10-15. Retrieved 2019-11-20.
- ^'Spark Networks SE Closes Zoosk, Inc. Acquisition'. finance.yahoo.com. Retrieved 2019-11-20.
- ^'Spark Networks Launches 'Creativity-Focused' Dating App 'Spark''. Global Dating Insights. 2020-06-25. Retrieved 2021-01-22.
- ^'How Couples Meet and Stay Together SSDS Social Science Data Collection'. data.stanford.edu. Retrieved 2019-12-07.
- ^'How Couples Meet and Stay Together 2017 (HCMST2017) SSDS Social Science Data Collection'. data.stanford.edu. Retrieved 2019-12-07.